good grief.

it’s been 76 days & i’ve finally built up enough courage to write the words that ive been hoping arent actually true. on august 23rd my mum passed away, to say it was the most surreal moment of my life would be understatement. there are honestly no words to describe that experience. those close to me knew my mum had endured a long & incredibly challenging battle for over 20 years.

despite the constant struggle my mum never ever let it get the better of her, every morning she got up, got dressed & went about her day. call it denial or maybe mum even fooled me into thinking things were going to be okay, but she put on a great show. every single day mum inspired me, to be the best version of myself & to challenge myself to be better. you don’t get the best out of life unless you give it your best.

they say grief has phases, first its denial, then anger, then acceptance but never having dealt with a loss quite of this gravity ive turned to reading lots of different takes on it. personally, ive found its more of a round about you experience days where you just simply cannot comprehend that its happened and other days you’re simply inconsolable. its only normal to have bad days, in fact, its healthy to let it out when need be but i can’t help but hear mum saying ‘pick yourself up, & just get on with it’ – she would hate for anyone to sit around wasting valuable time.

writing has always been my way of expressing myself, something i learnt from her. to this day i have never published, submitted, posted anything written without having mum read it first. she always looked at things differently and gave me a completely new perspective. mums are good like that, but i knew i could always count on my mum for the right advice, she was never afraid to tell me when i was being silly or unreasonable.

i have a lot to experience in my life & i still struggle with the thought of doing that without my mum by my side. one thing that has helped is to not think about what she’s missing or the loss i feel but to instead think about what we have been lucky enough to share & experience with our mum.

all i know is my brother & i would not be the people we are without our mum. i tell you what, if i can be half the mum she was ill be pretty happy with myself!

tell your mum how much you love her everyday & never go to bed angry – i know i never did. love you always mummy x

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